I read this post about a couple who gave up a home in the suburbs for a condo in the city. The point the author tries to make is that by changing geography, she has a much more rewarding and fulfilling life. The subtext is that what was holding her back from achieving this life were things, specifically a car and a house.

I think this article and the thinking it represents fails to truly understand the nature of both geography and behavior.

The author makes the point that home ownership demands a lot of time and attention.

Wherever we found ourselves, we always started with the search for The House.  It always had to have lots of bedrooms and bathrooms, a big kitchen and a yard to match.  The House asked a lot of us by way of cleaning, maintenance, and dependence on cars

By association, owning a house in the suburbs also means owning a car. By moving out of the suburbs, the author and her husband were able to get rid of a lot of “meaningless stuff”, including a lawnmower, garden tools, most of their dishes, and three cars. They were able to do this, in part, because their children were out of the house, so they were keeping a home for just two people.

One of the things that bothered me about this article was the author’s conclusion that it was her family’s cars that kept them separated from their neighbors.

We don’t own a car, so we walk everywhere, including to and from work.  We use the bus or ferry if we want to go farther afield.  This has had a profound effect on how we interact with people.  We realize now that the cocoons of our cars kept us well insulated from the people around us.  Our genuine interactions were with family and coworkers, the only people who saw us stripped of the metal that clothed and protected us.  Our neighbors, we discovered, were virtually strangers.

Look, if your neighbors are virtually strangers, that’s got very little to do with how many cars you own and much more to do with how you choose to live your life. I’ve lived in both the city and in the suburbs. I knew plenty of people in the city who lived in their apartment or condo and would never speak to anyone when they stepped into the real world. There are plenty of people who enjoy the anonymity of the city that comes as a result of just being another face in the crowd. Living in a smaller living space that happens to be situated among a large population is no guarantee of anything. On the flip side, I’ve lived in suburban neighborhoods where all the neighbors know each other. I’ve seen blocks, neighborhoods, and subdivisions organize block parties. I’ve seen neighbors in the suburbs watching each other’s kids. Even in the suburbs there are corner stores, or gas stations, or local restaurants, which, while they may not be within walking distance like they are in the city, are still populated by people who like to brush up against each other once in a while and say hello.

I currently live in the suburbs, in a neighborhood with a slightly larger population density than most suburban neighborhoods. There are about 65 townhomes in my court. While I can’t say that I know all of the people who live near me, I have probably at least seen most of them, talked to many of them, and know several on a first name basis. I wonder if the author of this article can say the same about all of the residents in her building.

Another point the author makes is that her dining habits have changed. She and her husband eat out much more than they ever did when they lived in the suburbs. As a result, she claims, she’s able to enjoy the many benefits of that lifestyle. Again, while I’m sure that’s a wonderful thing, by totally excluding dining-in from your way of life, you miss out on the wonderful community you experience around your dinner table.

I’d even go so far to argue that what you experience at the corner sports bar watching a football game with people who will enter and leave the restaurant as strangers is a far cry from the enriching experience of inviting someone over to your home, sharing some hospitality with them, getting to know them, and having them experience who you are through your home.

Cars and houses are only bad things if you let them become bad things. That’s true of almost any material possession. If you decide to get out of your car in the driveway once in a while, and take opportunities to meet your neighbors, then you’re sure to experience the richness that the author describes in this article. Likewise, if you don’t spend all your time cooped up on your house (or apartment or condo) and venture out into the community around you, you sure to meet people and have experiences that will enrich your life greatly.

But please don’t think that just because you sold your car and downsized from a house to a condo that somehow you’ve discovered the magical secret to a fulfilling life. That kind of arrogance seems quite … suburbab.